and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
