He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
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what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
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It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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