People with herpes should wear stickers.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
