Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
