I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize