woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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