It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
