So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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