fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
