Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
