he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
