theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The uberlube is also flammable
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
