this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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