May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
