hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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