I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
