Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
