Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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