Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
this hospital has no fireball
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
