Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
