He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
