I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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