I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
