K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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