that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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