ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
