I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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