You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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