Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
