I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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