Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
