So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
