Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I would ride that face into the sunset
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
