Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
