I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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