I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Randomize
