He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I party with great urgency now.
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