A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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