plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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