I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
