FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
