Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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