I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
