They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
