i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
