I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
