Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
