I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I AM VODKA MAN
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
