Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Randomize
