Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
