i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
