So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
