Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
