you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
