so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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