i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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