DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
