The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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