Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
