I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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