yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
