why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
