I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
