Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You ruined the universe
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
