I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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