i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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