wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
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She told me I should be a condom model.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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