there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
