I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
