pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
